Two Guys Walk Into A Bar

'I heard a riddle once that I never understood.'

'Hit me.'

'So you have a lamb, a fox, and some cabbage, right? You have to get them across the river, but you can only take two at a time.’

Pause.

'That’s quite a conundrum, I guess.’

'Solve it.’

'What’s there to solve?'

'What do you mean what’s there to solve? How do you get them across the river?'

Longer pause.

'I'm...I’m sorry, I …I don’t really get the point of the riddle. Can you at least tell me why I'm even in this situation in the first place?'

'Solve the damn riddle, Kendall.'

'But wait, like, what, is it even a riddle? I mean really, there’s no twist here. And honestly, this is not that pressing of an issue for me. Let the lamb eat the cabbage, let the fox eat the lamb, who gives a shit? Let nature take its course for crying out loud. Plus, what if the fox attacks me when I’m taking it across the river? Is that what foxes do, they attack? Or what if the lamb bites me? I don't want to be interacting with this hypothetical livestock, contract some mad-hoof disease and never be able to give blood ever again. And how deep is the river, and how wide? Oregon trail style, forging the river, is my life at stake? Will Sally get bit by a snake afterwards and I’ll have to leave her behind on the dusty trail with a pathetic cartoon headstone? Are we to assume the Oregon trailers took the time to carve those headstones themselves like the game depicts? It’s just, I don’t know, I just don’t know. The more I think about it, the more it bothers me.'

'You ruin everything. Really, everything.'

'Is that another riddle?'

[i shouldn't feel this way, but i do.

i should mind, but i don't.]

i'd hate to think this is all for nothing,

'cause i kinda sorda want you endlessly.